Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Raindrops keep falling

Funny times I'm living. I seem to have so much going on and so much to think about that I don't seem to be able to express myself in words. Which is somewhat unusual. Or maybe it's just that I haven't really had time to sit down and ponder about, well, anything lately.

It's been miserably grey these past few days, with almost constant rain pouring down. It's beginning to look and feel like fall and that's just what I was afraid of - this year the summer hasn't really happened for me. In the spring I was worried about not having enough time this summer to do everything I needed to get done, in June or so I was worrying that the summer would come to an end before I could get anything done and well, now it seems that the summer really is coming to an end and I haven't had time to enjoy it, not really.

I'm not saying I haven't done anything. Because I have. This is probably the first time during my years at the University when I've actually managed to take the full set of summer exams. And double exams, too, to be more exact. Usually I've planned to take all four possible exams and ended up taking two at the most. So instead of that routine, I've already beaten all my old records - if I pass all of the altogether six exams I've taken this summer. The last trial is to be on Friday, and I'm very aggravated about that one already. It's the dreaded and whole-heartedly hated accounting and business econ exam. I hate it, I hate it, I HATE it. Oh, and did I mention that I loathe it, too? Blergh. But if I manage to drag myself to the exam on Friday and somehow miraculously manage to pass it too, I'm all done with economics after that. So I try to motivate myself with the thought of no more accounting when this is done...

In other words, I'm pretty happy about the way my studies are progressing. All of the exams I manage to pass are a step closer to graduating. Which is definitely good.

Unfortunately things aren't as great with my thesis. It's beginning to really dawn on me that I simply cannot concentrate on multiple (demanding, study-related) projects at the same time. This summer began with ridiculously optimistic plans about working, studying and writing my thesis, but I should've known better. I really, really should've known better. Because I should've learned by now that if I have exams to study for and work to go to, there's just no time to concentrate on doing serious research. It's really like having three jobs (or four) at the same time. I simply can't manage that. So, no matter how much it pains me to admit that I can't do it all at once, I probably should give myself a break.

Not literally, of course. I couldn't help but to give it a little dry laughter, when the principal of the junior high I'm going to be working at this year asked me if I'd had time to have a vacation this summer. Umm, well, lemmesee. No, not really. And it's a bit too late now. I'm sure most of the teachers that I meet on Monday when work begins are going to tell all kinds of wonderful stories about "reloading their batteries" and relaxing and doing only enjoyable stuff for all summer long. They're going to be well rested and so on, whereas I'm boasting with black rings around my eyes and stress levels of hungry squirrels whose nuts have been stolen from them. Yay, me. Isn't it fun to be young - you have so much energy! Gaah. I'm so looking forward to the time in my life when I really do have 10 weeks of paid summer vacation to use just as I please. *sigh*

After all that ranting I must admit that I'm getting both excited and anxious about work. I dropped by the school today, to see if my workbooks and materials had already arrived there (I ordered all the course books and such from the publisher some time ago) and heard that I'd been given more courses to teach during the year. Yay, says I. :) More lessons, more euros. I still don't know what kind of courses I'll have in the junior high (except for the course that begins on Tuesday) and I'm not sure what extra course I got from senior high, but it doesn't matter that much. I'll find out on Monday.

It is, however, just a touch bittersweet, this change in plans at the school. The fact that I got more lessons from the junior high is just great, but the extra course I got from senior high is actually taken from mom's work. Which makes me feel oddly guilty for being there. I had nothing to do with it, it's got to do with the lesson plans the principals make, but somehow I couldn't help but feel a bit bad that I'd been given that extra course. It'll be even worse, if dad's courses are cut (for a complicated school bureaucratic reason) and those end up falling to my lap. But I'm sure that won't happen, so I probably shouldn't be worrying about that in advance. Besides, I really shouldn't feel guilty at all, because I'm not the one behind the changes. Argh, it's so frustrating...

Does it seem to you that I'm a bit wound up about all of this? Yes, my thoughts exactly...

On a lighter note, then. I spent a few hours shopping in the local mall on Monday. I had dad's car for a couple of days (folks went to Stockholm) and I decided to cheer myself up on a miserably rainy day by giving my Visa a swing. I was (and to be honest, still am) in need of proper clothes for work. What's sad about it was that I went through all the shops and ended up finding only a scarf and a jacket. (I was planning on spending on shoes and jeans and slacks, too.) Darn it, I'm even a lousy shopper... :)

But that's not what I was going to confess, really. I was going to confess that I had a serious attack of "aaawwwww, how adorable" while shopping. :) No, I didn't go shopping for my future godson/daughter's clothes or anything, but instead I bumped into one of my students from the prep course.

He was one of my favorites from the course and when I noticed him in a store I just had to go and congratulate him for getting in the uni. Here's the best part, though. After very nicely thanking me for my help (first "awww"), he said there was something he'd been wondering about and wanted to ask my advice (enter the second "awww" here). He had a few questions about his minors and the student allowance and while talking with him, I felt like a big sister / guidance councellor. Here's this young man who is pondering about his future and he thinks I can be of help! (All together now: awwww!) We did chat for quite a while and when I left, I had a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and a wide smile on my face. I had mattered to this kid (well, young man, heh) and he thought I could help. Silly me, but honestly, at that moment I felt so appreciated that I could've just burst from happiness and on the other hand I felt oddly grateful, too, for some reason. Awww. :)

That's a good note to end my ramblings on this time. I think I need to go and ponder about average variable costs and such for a while more. Blech.

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