That's what you need to have any respect at all. Bling bling. This is what I've learned from my new favorite tv-show. A show I got addicted to in less than two episodes. A show that I wouldn't hesitate to participate in, not for a second. I'd be pleading to be included in this reality show.
MTV has this utterly cool program called Pimp My Ride. Absolutely pure bling bling all the way through. There's this rapper, Xzibit, hosting it and the point of the whole thing is to take people's unbelievably crappy cars and fix them up real good. A new paintjob, new tires, butt-kicking audio and other equipment, new interiors and as much of outrageous detailing the guys can hook you up with within two days of work.
Do you see why I'm all for a show like this? Shouldn't be that difficult to decipher...
Last night the last episode of PMR during MTV's "Pimp and Diva Weekend" showed a really glittering transformation. This girl had an old Ford Mustang, which was in a sorry state indeed. She ended up with a raspberry-colored car with a golden (yes, that's right) top on it (the car was a convertible), a gear stick studded with little fake diamonds and, get this, a bubble blowing thingie as a second exhaust pipe! Oh, and the finishing touches made to the paint job were painted with golden glittery paint applied through lace, which means she now has golden lace patterns on her car. In addition she got a photo booth in her car (meaning a digicamera and a printer in the passengers side), absolutely amazing dvd-cd-mp3-player with the appropriate woofers and such... The things these guys put into the cars are just unbelievable. One guy got an aquarium built in the back seat of his car. With two living goldfish in it. (Poor little fish though, I'm sure they didn't last for long in that tiny tank sealed into the backseat of a teenage guys car...)
I'm not saying I'd want an aquarium in my car, because I don't. How do you think the tank (or the fish) would take the freezing temperatures in the winter? Snap, crackle and pop, most likely. And I'm not even going to try to guess what I'd do with a Playstation2 in the backseat. I'd much rather play at home where it's nice and warm, which it's not in my car, about 9 months a year... So most of the fixing up done in the program is definitely for Californian surroundings only, not to be applied anywhere north of a certain latitude. That latitude being at least half a globe south from Turku...
Me and my friends did come up with a few interesting add-ons that could be built into my car, though. We decided the car should be properly named Skoda Scorchio after all-around flame throwers would've been added. They have, in the real show, built such things into some cars and roasted marshmallows then in the flames. I would mostly need the flames in the front though and not in the back. It'd be handy to melt away all the ice and the snow in the wintertime. Most handy. Unfortunately flame throwers are illegal as car accessories in Finland. What are the legislators thinking??
Most of all I'd love my car to have a new paintjob. For real. At the moment it's a beautiful matt burgundy. I do love the color otherwise, but the word matt is the key. My car only shines when it's raining. Last summer I actually noticed that the paint is coming off, when I washed the thing. The sponge I used was pretty in pink after I was done washing the poor vehicle.
New seats too, please. These are literally crumbling away, thanks to the sun shining through the windows in the summer and the fabric losing the battle of durability. And they squeek like excited little (or medium sized) animals. And the audio systems, please, I'd love to have a cd-player installed!
After all this would've been done, I'd have a few pictures taken of everything (preferably also me looking devastatingly cool in my pearly cameleon-colored car) and when that was done, I'd sell the darling immediately. With a darned good price tag on it, too. And then I'd go to the car dealer and buy myself a newer car with less bling bling in it. Boring, but less likely to be stolen from the parkinglot.
So please, please MTV, pimp my ride!