Wednesday, February 02, 2005

That's what I'm here for

Lately I've been trying to help a dear friend of mine who's going through some tough times. I've tried to explain my views, listen to hers, suggest possible solutions and options to no end. I don't mind, for the most part, because that's what I do - I try to help. But the bad thing about it is that I sometimes get too involved and can't help worrying about things that I shouldn't.

This time, however, I've noticed that I still remember some of my life's lessons from my times in high school. I had a friend who had very serious issues to deal with back then. A very low self esteem, to begin with. She ended up sounding suicidal on the phone a few times and I was borderline hysterical trying desperately to help and to get her to understand that she was (and still is) a wonderful person. That was when my mom intervened and told me I couldn't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Let alone the problems of my friend, who was in fact in need of professional help. That was the point in my life, when I finally realised that I don't have the resources or the education to solve every problem my friends may have. I do want to help (that's just natural to me), but I won't let myself sink too deep into anyone else's problems. I have plenty of my own. :)

But to all my friends out there, I'm always glad to help in any way I can and I'll listen to you more than willingly - that's what I'm here for. At least if I get to whine about my problems in return, every now and then. That's how friendships work.

What else? Humm. I've had this unbelievable two weeks of such total slacking that I'm beginning to feel ashamed of myself. I've been able to get some little things done, like emailing some people about their articles for the first ever Spin-fanzine I'm editing and filing away some teaching materials, but nothing of real importance or use to such goals in life as maybe graduating some day... Not until yesterday, that is. I managed to begin reading a book I've had for about a year now and I'm determined to finish it up by next Tuesday, so I could maybe return it to the library... I can't believe how difficult a time I'm having trying to get something done.

Tomorrow I actually may end up spending a few hours in the archives of the Finnish department, because I have a seminar lecture to plan. It's nothing big, it's just a 45-minute practice lesson for the course on Finnish dialects I'm taking, but I'm thinking it'd be better to get that out of my way as soon as possible. That's why I booked the first possible slot for my "guest lecture". Then, for the rest of the spring, I can just watch others stress about their lessons and concentrate on my thesis instead. I think my position is somewhat advantageous to most of the students taking that course, though. I'm at ease in front of a class (whether they be 7th graders, 12th graders or adults) and I can run my plans through mom, who can check them for factual mistakes. :) So I'm not in the least worried about that piece of seminar work. What a relief.

What worries me is the thesis. I just checked and I have five more weeks to go before I should turn in the sample chapter. I haven't even begun yet! Not properly, that is. I can't believe I can't get myself motivated enough to just sit down and do it. I've got the motivation to work, to move to the UK for some post-graduate studies (Note to self: post-graduate means one has to graduate first!) or to do whatever, but gaah. I think I'm lacking in thesis-writing-vitamins at the moment. :) Oh well, I'll try to find a dose for tomorrow.

Have to mention this. Only one more day to go and we'll be cruising the day (and night) away with Satu! Whee! She even promised me a drink if I guessed right the character she was in the LotR character test. Poor Satu, she didn't realise how good I am at figuring out those tests. And how well I know her. She turned out to be Samwise, just as I thought and now I'm entertaining myself with the thought of something really yummy from the bar on Saturday evening. :)

I'm so glad today's dance classes are over, phew. I'm so counting weeks to April 13th when I finally am done with the teaching part of my hobby. At least for now. But until then it feels like it's Wednesday or Thursday all the time and I have nothing else to do than try to come up with something to teach. Blah.

I was going to post a picture of sorts here at the end, but I'm having a bit of a problem with the whole picture thing. It seems the program Hello (which you're supposed to use to post pictures in your blog) is only IE-compatible. I'm not using my aaaancient version of IE (and not updating it either), but happily surfing away with Firefox and therefore I can't post any goddam pictures! And no, I don't have a website I could get the pictures online in the first place, so now I'm stuck and waiting for help from Tero. So this is why you'll need to sit and wait for the picture. I'm not going to tell what it'll be, though. Oo, really mysterious and stuff... Haha. (I'll bet you'll be disappointed in the end.) ;)

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