Thursday, June 02, 2005

Oddities of life

I'd say I'm a fairly happy person. I'm not saying my life is perfect, but whose is? I'd say I'm content with my life as it is, most of the time, but I wouldn't mind if some things were to turn for the better. But it's not like I go around wailing and whining about being miserable, because I'm not. Miserable, that is.

However, once again, I was reminded by dreams that I may be missing out on something. I dreamt I was in love. Seriously, madly and completely in love. I'll spare you from the details of the dream (there weren't that many to begin with), because they aren't the point. The point of the dream for me was the wonderful warm feeling I had in the dream (I think I was quite recently fallen in love in the dream, which probably made the feeling even more warm, knowing how I react in such a situation). I was accepted as I am and I was so proud to have a significant other who was kind, loving and well, yes, handsome. I'm sure he had all kinds of other great qualities too, otherwise I wouldn't have loved him so much, but unfortunately, the dream was a bit short, so I didn't get to know the guy too well... :)

It's really been way too long ago when I felt anything like I did in that dream in real life. I don't fall for anyone too easily, but from the few times I've really had a serious crush on someone, I can vaguely remember what it felt like and this was that and then some. I miss the feeling, to be honest. And however odd it might sound, I think I miss the feeling I've never had for real. Or maybe the proper term would be "to long for" instead of "to miss", but somehow it doesn't really describe how I feel about the whole thing. Or something...

I don't really mind being single (as I've probably said before), because I like to do things my way and sometimes I think I'm too busy to even think about a relationship, but there are moments I wished things were a bit different. I still don't go about my life whining and wailing about the miseries of single life (when I do, I'm either very tired, hungry or in the worst case, both), but the occasional reminder of the additional happiness there is to be found in this world tend to make me feel a bit blue.

Having the blues isn't the worst part of it, though. The worst part is that sometimes I wonder if I'm too stuck with my own routines already and if there ever was a budding relationship, I'd panic and flee from the situation. I suppose I'm slowly becoming very, very skeptic about ever finding that dream guy from the waking world. I haven't given up hope, that's not it, but somehow I just don't see me writing wedding invitations in the near future - nor in the more distant future either, for that matter.

It'll be a happy day when I can proove to myself that I was wrong about all of this and that there was a real version of that dream guy after all, but until then, don't be holding your breath. ;) It won't be a fun wedding if I'm freshly out of the blues but half of my guests are blue ad infinitum. So the deal's this, you breath, I breath. No one stays blue. Ok?

Enough of that for now. I'm going to finish up with two things that I found odd or just plain curious today. First of all, and this is the oddest thing by far, I think I'm getting the hang of the whole telemarketing thing. So far I've sold 5 orders for different mags in about 2 hours of calling. I'm told that's a pretty good average. In any case I'm the "top seller" of us beginners, who have just begun working at this firm. Whee! And in addition to being able to actually sell something on the phone, I'm finding out it's actually somehow fun to talk to people. I'm guessing it can be a bit addictive on a good day. I never thought I'd be caught alive saying this, but here it is. I think I can be a good salesperson, too. Odd, odd, odd.

The other thing was just a fun detail I found out when (ahem) surfing the net for information on KoH's Hospitaller (you remember, my favorite character after Balian), David Thewlis. It turns out he lives in Clerkenwell, London, on the exact site where the 12th century priory of the Order of St. John (a.k.a. the Hospitaller Order or later the Order of Malta) was. That's also the place I'd need to go to do some research in the Order's archives. So if I ever get to go to Clerkenwell, as I'm sure I will, I may bump into Mr. Thewlis, too. Heeee. I could ask him a ton of questions about the making of the movie and how he prepared for the role. Not that I'd really dare to bother him with such questions, I think I'd be trying to be the "cool Finn" and not fuss about seeing a famous actor and definitely not intrude upon his privacy by doing anything at all... :) But it's a fun thought. Besides, I have already had lunch with Neil Gaiman, so I guess I should be thinking anything's possible.

Humm. Aren't I contradicting myself now by saying that? ;) Ah, the moment I learn to apply all these important principles in all of my life, I'll be the best possible sample of perfect happiness there ever was.

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